scenes from the dinner table

One: My uncle who is a priest is showing of his belly which, although still the size of a volleyball, is definitely smaller than when I saw it last. He has lost 30 pounds in a little over a month. The improved self-image and health is giving him an indescribable high. The other priests staying with him in the parish are also going on a diet and increasing their physical activity. One of the sisters was not so thrilled about it. “Ay naku, Father, hahabulin lang kayo lalo ng mga babae,” she complains. To which my witty uncle replies, “kaya nga po nagpapapayat, para maunahan sa pagtakbo ang mga humahabol.” He then relays an incidence when he was on a sick call recently. He was blessing the sick woman on her bed and the daughter was shaking her mother admonishing her to open her eyes. “Nanay, mulat!” the daughter says, “Mulat kayo at gwapo ang pari!” And of course this little tale of his has all of us laughing.

Two: As expected every time there is a family gathering talk eventually leads to my “non-existent” love life. As if being young and single is such a crime. If they only knew about the complicated mess I’m in. At my age, my grandmother points out, she already had four children. At my age, an aunt-in-law retorts, she has been with my uncle for eight years. Not to be left out, an aunt who is a doctor exclaims “Basta pag clerk ka na dapat may boyfriend ka na.” She pauses and looks knowingly at her husband seated beside her before adding, “para may magdadala ng pagkain sa iyo pag duty ka.” Peals of laughter.

Of course I was glad when the focus of attention shifted as another aunt-in-law shares a phone conversation she had with my sister. She had asked my sister if she had a boyfriend and my sister had no choice but to reply in the affirmative. Aunt-in-law was joking “Hindi siguro alam ng lola mo, ano?” To which I replied “Alam po niya, in denial lang.” More peals of laughter.

Three: Auntie doctor out of nowhere remembers her apo and her long letter to Santa. “Dear Santa, gusto ko po ng doll at saka damit at saka clip at saka . . . at saka . . . at saka . . . at saka . . .” And after what seems to be ten at saka’s the apo adds “at saka po pera pangbili ng mga gusto ko.” Kids, sheesh!

While on the topic of letters to Santa, aunt-in-law shares the root of his 9-year old son’s irritation. In his letter the son was asking Santa to give him a PSP. Aunt-in-law teasingly told his son that he should clarify what he meant by PSP. Son replies, “Santa knows what it is already”. “Okay,” aunt-in-law counters and to his son’s horror adds, “Santa will give you a Pack of Special Peanuts.”

Each day leading to Christmas Aunt-in-law keeps repeating to his son that he will be getting a Pack of Special Peanuts. To this the son can only shout out while almost in tears “No!!! I am not getting a Pack of Special Peanuts!” Come Christmas morning the son gives a sigh of relief after opening his presents and finding a shiny white PlayStation Portable.