clerkship

Clinical clerkship begins in two days. The tension is starting to get to me already. This is not like the usual anxiety of going back to school after a semester break. This is that turned up a notch and coupled with feeling of inadequacy and incompetence -- definitely not a healthy mix.

An uncle is arriving from Bahrain this evening. His eldest son, now all of 12 years old, will be graduating from grade school (with honors, I believe) and he is arriving in time for the graduation rites. Grade school graduation. I do not doubt the importance or the impact this will have on my cousin. I can still remember that when he was only in 2nd grade he was already complaining about being tired of studying. In that context, getting past grade school certainly deserves congratulations. What's bothering me is that in the back of my head I can't stop thinking that he has a long, long way to go. As a college professor used to say while putting a twist on the old saying: Marami pa siyang asin na kakainin.

For my part, grade school graduation was 13 years ago. The 13 years that followed I spent studying for the most part, working for some while living in a dormitory, boarding house or by myself in an apartment -- a lot of years striving to get an education and to learn to be independent and self-sufficient. Thirteen years already and yet I'm not even half-way there.

I suppose I can say the same about my brother. He is turning 19 in October and about to graduate from high school in June. Indeed, his graduation is a monumental event and my grandmother is going to fly off to America to witness it. Why wouldn't it be when he spent three years finishing his "last year" of high school. So: Congratulations. Pat on the back. Whooppee. Then, what? What's next? No one really knows. His college education hasn't even be discussed yet, an unprecedented occurrence in the family where college naturally comes after high school graduation. I suppose everybody got tired of discussing his future for the past three years and now every one is just letting him be. Even though getting a great job and earning lots of money was never the point of getting a good education, someone does have to get food on the table. And while I miss having paychecks, 13th/14th/15th month pay, productivity bonus, health insurance (and even taxes) I'm as far away as my brother and my 12-year old cousin from getting a REAL job and putting food on the table.

Last words on clinical clerkship: I guess we're all just a little insane. I mean who in his right mind would pay more than a hundred thousand pesos so they can be "tortured" to work for free, driven mad and deprived of sleep and a social life. Definitely not for the faint of heart. And it's not even going to get any easier as the years pass.