You sit in the dark one day wondering where your life has gone. It is not the first time you think about this. The other day your eyes were swollen from crying the whole night after having another argument with the significant other. It makes you wonder about the life you really want to live.
Today, the slightly irritating and stand-offish parents of the patient who kept you awake while monitoring her vital signs at bedside the night before takes your picture and starts talking about this brother who is an AVP in some car company. They ask your age. They ask if you will still be in the hospital later in the evening when the brother is going to drop by to visit. Instead of being thrilled that there is still someone who thinks you are good dating material you are left wondering if this is the best that life can offer.
Two weeks ago, on your first duty on outside rotation the resident on duty blurts out that you should try getting rid of your eyeglasses and getting contact lenses instead. She adds, “because you have a very pretty face.” You just smile and think “this pretty face hasn’t gotten me anywhere so far”. A few days after, a sleep-deprived from duty intern (also a girl) asks if you have a boyfriend. You answer “no”. She is surprised. “How come,” she asks, “when you are so beautiful?” The world spins a little, and you think maybe life is worth living. Later, the guy who likes you who you just dumped drops by and stays until around lunch time. You talk about nothing, guiltily wishing he would go away but unable to shoo him away because maybe he’s really staying for his other close friend, the one who you go on duty with, and the one he hasn’t seen in a while. And you wish so much for him to leave you alone, but deep inside you know some time ago you appreciated his gestures because for once you learned that you’re worth running after, that you’re worth all the attention he gave you.
Life’s a bitch. I bleed.
