sedated

It is Friday, but it feels like a weekend. I awoke from a three-hour sedated sleep and found myself staring at the ceiling wondering why I even bother waking up to study. Last night I only had three hours of sleep also. Not that it did much good. It seems that I still failed my exam today. Well, my failure in this case is entirely my fault. I should have prepared for the exam earlier. I should have studied more. But where is the fun in studying in the absence of learning? I’m not learning anything at all. And that, too, is entirely my fault.

The sad, pathetic life of an eternal student.

i have coffee, life is good.

coffee break

My electric bill has increased by at least a hundred pesos in the last two months. I have noticed that bill increases commonly coincide with major exams, not so much because I study all night, but because I’m generally too sleepy and too lost to remember switching everything off. The past month’s increase cannot be attributed to major exams though, for I had none. Quite simply, I attribute it to vile-tasting decaffeinated instant coffee.

I probably drank only two cups of the coffee that came from home. It was not too oily, which was great, but it was way too acidic for me. I have a feeling that one of the blends was decaf giving a horrible aftertaste. Since I cannot be brought to drink such vile-tasting coffee I forced my lazy self to deal with all the brewing preparations and post-brewing clean up in order to at least have a "drinkable" cup of coffee. I have been using the coffeemaker for the past month. It has this quite inefficient heater that takes a while to get the water hot and requires a longer brewing time, hence, the increase in electric consumption.

Lately, I don’t even notice how many cups I’ve drank already. I really don’t need to count. I have been fidgety and anxious for the past couple of weeks. I think that speaks enough of my current coffee consumption.

experimental travel

This is probably the silliest thing I’ve read on Lonely Planet. And guess what? I might actually give it a try.

Hypothesis

Enjoy all the benefits and experiences of a backpacking holiday without leaving home.

Apparatus

A backpackers hostel, a guidebook and/or map, a backpacking outfit (eg socks and sandals, thermal jacket, beaded necklaces from Bali, a camera).

Method

Ask a friend to drop you at the airport. From there, catch the cheapest form of transport back into town, then make your way to a backpacking hostel of your choice and check in. Spend your time eating backpacker meals (pizza, falafel, takeaway curry) and doing backpacker activities with other backpackers - sightseeing, beer drinking, surfing the Net in Internet cafés, having meaningful discussions and even romantic liaisons with fun and attractive people you've just met. Watch your budget, and be sure to take photographs of yourself with your new friends. When you've had enough, make your way back to the airport and ask someone to collect you to take you back home.

Read about the results of Backpacking at Home here. Other experimental travels are here.

waste

I have wasted six hours today. Although for me, waste is not exactly the appropriate term for it. I would say I invested six hours today to enrich myself. I spent six hours reading, viewing pictures, thinking, and reading again. It is certainly not a waste of time from my point of view.

Life would be so much fun if there were more of these simple breaks from the overbearing reality of life.

soul

twilight

My photos are flat and bland. Lifeless. They have no soul because I have no soul. I am cold and bitter. The cynicism and sarcasm I feel do not infuse my creations with emotions. Instead, they suck out all the good feelings from the photographs. In me there is balance, yet there is none of that balance in my photos. My photos might as well be blank.

Because I have no soul.

dealing with illness

“The best way to think about men and women is to assume that there are no differences between them.”

Finally, something from Michael Crichton’s book I’m currently reading that doesn’t sound foolish, egotistic and patronizing. Finally, something from his Travels that doesn’t reek of “I’m smart and successful and I know things better than you do.”

In another paragraph he says: the best strategy in dealing with your illness was to act as if you had control over it, and could change its course. I’m on page 324 of 417 pages. I finally read something that I do not resent or hate.

stress

There is something to be said about stress and my ability to handle it when cupfuls of strong coffee are not enough and I start craving for a cigarette. I can’t. Handle the stress quite well that is. I’m starting to drift again. I keep looking at photos. I keep reading TV show transcripts. I keep convincing myself that Michael Crichton’s Travels is not really so bad (even if deep down, for a travel book, I think it is not well written and for an autobiography, it is pretty shallow).

I ended up reading for an hour for class last night - only one lousy hour, when I definitely had more than 8 hours to spare. I tried to suppress my boredom by going through interesting things that happened to me during that day. I ended up going through only two.

The highlights of the day:

1) Having my intraocular pressure measured using a Schiotz meter. My IOP was 17 mmHg for both eyes. Normal.

2) Hearing a loud blowing murmur (grade 4/6) over the 2nd intercostal space right parasternal line, radiating towards the left parasternal border and the xiphisternal junction on auscultation of a patient with hypertensive atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease.

history

Nineteen ninety-seven. I was a senior in high school. Back in those days I had something to look forward to. Back in those days I patiently sat through Physics or Chemistry class waiting for the final bell to ring at 4:30 p.m. Back in those days basketball practice got me through the week. Even roadwork on Tuesdays and Thursdays didn’t stop me from wanting class to be over.

Two thousand and one. I was a senior in college majoring in a course I found very stimulating but always found way over my head. In those days few small things got me through embarrassing 101 recitations or 196 seminars. I was still looking forward to the end of the day. I was looking forward to daily afternoon visits to the bookstore. I was looking forward to books to be read, thoughts to write down, candy to eat, coke to drink and a nicotine fix.

Two thousand and five. Present day gloom. What do I look forward to? Weekend love, internet afternoons, photos to take and movies to watch. Is that all? Coffee to drink, books to read, thoughts to write, mail that never comes. How sad life can sometimes be.

How do you do it? What gets you through the day?

[true beginning]

from paper to cyberspace (the journal entry that started it all)

I have this urge to set up another blog. There has been an obvious lack in my journaling capabilities in the past few months. I'd like to believe though, that if this month is taken into consideration, there is at least a visible improvement in the quality and quantity of entries. The reason I'm having second thoughts about blogging again is that I'm too lazy to work on the layout. That will take so much time. As it is I spend so much time on flickr already.

There is, however, the option of just setting up a photoblog. The problem with that is I'll probably be putting pictures even less often than written entries, more so now that I've decided to take more pictures on film. I don't have a scanner at hand and I don't feel like spending much to have my prints scanned. As it is the film processing cost so much already.

In search of a so-called life I once again turn to writing and the internet. Is that a bad sign? It makes me feel that I'm undergoing a kind of regression. Three years ago, after two years of blogging, I was able to let go of a daily insanity and move on. Now, I'm thinking of blogging again. Have I slipped and taken a step back or is this a new phase entirely? A phase glaringly similar to the one I went through five years ago but having an entirely different purpose. As always I do not have the answer to my question. At least not yet.

test

sky and post

Yes. This is the beginning. Yes. The blog title (the advance guide for armchair travelers) is probably misleading. It was the first thing that entered my head. (Well, actually, the second thing.) I can't think of anything else. It will do. For now.