not

For my Pediatrics rotation, I have already spent 5 weeks looking up running noses, looking down sore throats, willing crying children to stop so I could hear their breath sounds or heart sounds better. I have watched over dengue patients as they received repeated blood transfusions, as their rashes spread, and as they approach near shock. Last week, I watched as mothers with complicated pregnancies gave birth to babies who needed to be treated as soon as they were born. I watched as one mother cried as she left her sick baby behind in the nursery. I watched as a first time mom sang to her premature baby as tears run down her face. Her baby lay spread-eagled inside an incubator as a breathing tube ran down her throat.

One moment I think I hate children and that I’ll probably never have children of my own, then I carry a crying 2-day old baby and watch as she falls asleep in my arms and anything becomes possible.

Today, in early morning rounds, the hospital director tells me that I am exactly what a clerk should not be. It is surprising that quite scathing remarks barely made a dent in my system. I suppose I was expecting to be called stupid, or worse, an idiot. The post-graduate interns with me were not much better off.

Exactly what a clerk should not be *Sigh*