my december

December, thus far, has turned out to be a month of revelations and realizations.

No. 1: After delaying the inevitable I found myself face to face with a new mother’s genitalia applying gentle traction on an umbilical cord to deliver the placenta. A few days later I found myself delivering an actual baby, clamping and cutting the umbilical cord, taking out the placenta, then proceeding to sew up the incision made to widen the birth canal. Hurrah, hurrah! Baby out. No, I’m not going to take Obstetrics and Gynecology for my residency but surprises of surprises I enjoyed very much assisting in delivering of babies via Cesarean section and other surgeries (tubal ligation, hysterectomy, salphingo-oophorectomy, etc). In my sleep I still hear myself coaching would-be mothers in labor: “Mommy, kapag humilab, hinga ng malalim, kapit sa bakal, ire!”

No. 2: Two weeks ago I was awakened by a phone call from my grandmother relaying that my Dad was to arrive in a few days. The next thing I know I got an email from my Dad (after months of silence) confirming his flight details. Our meeting after 11 years would be under unexpected circumstances. His brother had suffered a nervous breakdown and he had the responsibility of accompanying him home to the Philippines to have him admitted to a hospital. It was going to be a very short visit, he was to arrive early morning one day and leave in the evening the next day. Imagine my anxiety over meeting him. Eleven years is a long time. But then surprise! His brother would not board the plane. As it turned out I got anxious over nothing. I think it’s going to be some time before I lose sleep about meeting him again.

No. 3: After years of not seeing close friends and officemates, they finally got a chance to take a break from their graduate studies abroad and come home. We were a motley crew when we met. When I took a step back to take it all in an almost painful reality of where I stood struck me. If I would write a caption for the picture we took of ourselves it would go like this:

Cor: From Switzerland

Mic: From Washington

Cat: From Thailand

Me: From DUTY!

In the pictures I was still in my white uniform, curly hair on end, with bags under my eyes. It’s a good thing, I’m still enjoying my clerkship or I would feel really bad about myself.

No. 4: A couple of weeks after my interview in a hospital for my post-graduate internship I found out that I didn’t get accepted to my hospital of choice. For a moment there I felt so second rate. Then I figured, what the hell! If it was really not for me I’m not going to waste my time and energy crying over it. So it’s hello DOH for me instead. I get to rotate in the following hospitals for my post-grad internship next year: East Avenue Medical Center, National Kidney and Transplant Institute, Lung Center, Heart Center and Philippine Children’s Medical Center.

No. 5: After talking with an old friend she spills the beans about an old classmate who has finally outed himself to his friends and family. Yup, he’s bisexual alright. This was the guy who treated me like a girlfriend substitute after he got turned down by another friend. This was the guy who used to call me every night back in college. We used to play table tennis after class and tennis on Saturdays. Then finally when he was miles away in New York he revealed that he actually liked me. We chatted online once in a while, then when he jokingly popped the question I turned him down in the same tone citing my dislike for long distance relationships. That was not me being mean, because true enough I had just gotten broken by a previous (semi) long distance relationship and swore I’d never enter one again. Hmm . . . it’s just that I never would have guessed. I guess you really never know.

Christmas day is just two days away. The cold air is making me brood over my loneliness again.

surgery nostalgia

After rotating in five different hospitals for Surgery I have to say that I am going to miss the action at the Emergency Room, all the bleeding and gaping wounds to be sutured, fractures to be reduced, and burns to debride and dress. (No, I'm not going to miss retracting body parts in the OR). This is me saying goodbye to all the operating rooms that look like tiny closets to ones in big hospitals that look like spaceships.

Tomorrow is my last duty. It better be good.

(And then it’s hello to the delivery room for OB)

commute

Sa kahabaan ng España

On my way to the hospital in Tondo for my surgical rotation I am barely bothered that I’m already late. Time in is at 7 am. It is almost 8 and I’m barely halfway there. I look up from the book I’m calmly reading and notice for the first time that the bus is packed, both men and women standing in the aisle, holding on to chairs and metal bars lest they be thrown off balance as the bus careens almost aimlessly despite the heavy traffic. I have always wondered how all these commuters handle their hour-long commute to and from work/school/wherever. I have always lived in a dormitory or apartment very near school or my place of work. The longest jeepney ride I’ve had to endure to go to school lasted 45 minutes only because at that time I was already running late and caught in rush hour traffic. On the good days, it only took 10 minutes to get to school. On the not so good days when I’m running late I would often choose to take the 20-minute walk to school if the weather permitted. It was always just a few minutes walk or a short jeepney ride to school/work. It is only when I’m on outside rotation in government hospitals that the daily plight of the commuter shock me into reality.

I cannot imagine wading through floods during the rainy season. I cannot imagine not having an end to the street’s madness. I at a least have something to look forward to. I am out of the hospital base for a month at most at any one time. There is always an end to the madness. There is always time to recuperate (far from the maddening crowd) before I am thrown off balance again.

But not these people. No these commuters whose hour-long commute is nothing but run-of-the mill.

I have much to learn in this life.